Michael (front and center, naturally) as I like to remember him.

Conrad Murray was the worst kind of doctor. Michael Jackson was the worst kind of patient: A drug addict who needed desperately to sleep.

Together, they were a terrible, combustible, ill-fated combination. And now Murray is headed to jail, and Michael is still gone. We are left with a trial that forever put into the public psyche the hazy image of Michael, wrapped in a gown,  laid out dead, and a recording of him a month before that grisly photo, his voice frighteningly unrecognizable. When I heard it the first time, the description that his voice was ‘slurred’ proved woefully inadequate. His voice wasn’t slurred. He sounded as if he’d had a stroke. For one of the signature voices of my life to be corrupted like that was unforgivable.

Let me be clear: I was a Michael mark. Not in 2009, no. But from the time I was a tot growing up in Motown until my 20s, Michael could do no wrong. My older sister got the Jackson Five’s Third Album back in 1970, and from then on, she and I waited with the impatience of small children whenever our favorite brothers were going to be on Flip Wilson or Carol Burnett or Sonny & Cher. There were no forgotten chores, no missed homework assignments, no trouble of any kind from us during one of those weeks. When the Jackson brothers came on, we would be front and center, singing along to every song.

As I grew older, and Michael starred in The Wiz, then released Off the Wall and Thriller, and then brought back the Moonwalk on Motown 25, I was along for the ride. I owned every album, knew every word of every song, plopped down a $20 and a $10 for a ticket to the Victory tour.

But shortly thereafter, I took my leave. Yes, I bought Bad and Dangerous. But Michael was getting weirder—you know all the reasons why—and Public Enemy and New Jack Swing and hip hop and younger artists were making better music than him. To my mind, Michael had a great run, 20+ solid years as an important hitmaker, a streak much longer than the Beatles or Prince and rivaling that of Elvis and Stevie Wonder. Michael’s weirdness and settling with Jordy Chandler made me tune him out. From time to time, I would hope that Michael would stop giggling, would stop speaking in that fey, soft tone, would put out an album that revealed the musical genius I knew him to be. But it never happened. I grew further from him.

So just before that terrible moment on June 25, 2009, when my colleague came running down the hall with an insistent He’s dead, and I stepped into the hallway to ask who, and my legs stopped wanting to support me when I heard, and I called the only person who mattered in that moment—my sister—Michael Jackson was just the name of someone I used to love. I had no desire to go to his London concerts. I assumed they would be a ballyhooed flop, if he even completed them. And just so you understand I’m not a hypocrite, when he was no more, I thanked him on these pages for the joy he had brought me in his first 25 years, while acknowledging that his last 25 years would complicate his legacy for many.

Michael is dead. The man who escorted him on his death path has been punished. Conrad Murray gave us Michael’s last recording. One a far cry from Earth Song, Jam, Billie Jean, Let Me Show You the Way To Go, Looking Through the Windows, I Want You Back. One that has no falsettos. No ‘hee-hees.’ No ripping growls. Instead, Mike is drugged and the tape is frightening and thank God I have MP3s and youtube and CDs and This Is It and everything else. Because goodness knows, this terrible, awful final recording is not how I want to remember him.

—Bill Matthews

© 2011 The Peoples News

Filed under: Satire Tagged: Conrad Murray, involuntary manslaughter, Jackson Five, Michael Jackson, Off the Wall, Third Album, Thriller

By Shawna Collier

New host

(HOLLYWOOD) One day after Eddie Murphy dropped out of hosting the Oscars, the Academy dropped a bombshell: His brother, Charlie Murphy, will emcee the extravaganza.

“Charlie Murphy is an amazing talent, an incredible storyteller, and he scares the hell out of everyone,” new Oscar producer Brian Grazer told The Peoples News. “If only Rick James was still with us, he could co-host.”

Grazer said Prince and Dave Chappelle, however, remain possibilities.

Eddie Murphy dropped out a day after his good friend, Brett Ratner, stepped down as producer due to a furor over him using the word ‘fag.’

While Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg and Steve Martin were considered as replacements as host, Charlie Murphy’s selection provides another boon.

“He and Eddie look so much alike,” said Academy President Tom Sherak, “that maybe the audience won’t know the difference.”

Lesson, Hopefully, Learned

By Xavier Muhammad

This is not what happened to Herman Cain

(SUBURBAN ATLANTA) A gang of white men came to Herman Cain’s house in the middle of the night. They called out to him, and when he appeared on the porch, they dragged him into one of their trucks at gunpoint, as his wife, children and grandchildren stood on the porch, helpless to do anything as the trucks disappeared into the darkness.

Cain was beaten with a tire iron and baseball bat. His genitals, ears and fingers were cut off. He was wrapped in barbed wire and cut with knives. The mob urinated and defecated on him. Still living, Cain was tied to a stake and burned. His screams pierced the night, but no one stepped forward to help him. His charred corpse was hoisted into a tree, where the mob fired countless rounds into it, and left it hanging for all to see.

“And that’s what a lynching is, you sonofabitch,” one of the men said.

Cain was then brought back to life, and he and his supporters vowed to never compare anything he goes through to a lynching, high tech or not.

And While Lessons Are Being Learned…

“Hitlerly” Clinton. Really, people?

(HEAVEN) Adolf Hitler’s ghost came to me last night with a message: He’s sick of people being compared to him.

“I slaughtered millions of Jews and gypsies and Poles and anything I could get close to. Sure, I used soldiers and scientists to do my bidding, but if I could’ve done it with my bare hands I would have,” the epitome of evil ranted. “These piddly little paper pushers shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same sentence as me.”

Preach on, ghost of Hitler.

Just like lynchings, Hitler comparisons are out of control. Are we that ignorant of history? Hank Williams Jr. compared President Obama to Hitler after he played golf with John Boehner. Liberals called George Bush Hitler. Chris Christie and Michael Bay—Michael Bay…the director—have been compared to Hitler. Kanye West compared himself to Hitler. (Idiot). Georgia state rep John Yates compared illegal immigrants to Hitler. A radio host compared Jimmy Carter to Hitler. Another compared Abraham Lincoln to Hitler.

It is an awful comparison, and unless you are saying Pol Pot or Joseph Stalin, or, to a lesser extent, Gadhafi or Hussein, completely wrong. Let the moratorium begin.

—Craig Bates

© 2011 The Peoples News

Filed under: Humor, Movies, politics, Satire Tagged: Academy Awards, Adolf Hitler, Charlie Murphy, Dave Chappelle, Eddie Murphy, Herman Cain, lynching, Michael Bay, Prince, The Oscars

By Xavier Muhammad

Jiminy and Merry Christmas at the family gathering in 1932.

(HENDERSON, NC) The skittish economy has taken its toll on Christmas.

Walter Christmas told The Peoples News that his family’s annual winter barbecue–which became so popular in the 1930s that it lent its name to the celebration of Jesus’ birth–will move to August next year because of the financial strain the December date puts on family members.

“Flights that last week of December are just ridiculously priced,” said Christmas, great-grandson of the holiday founders, Jiminy and Merry Christmas. “And then there were so many other travelers at that time because schools are out. It’s just too hectic.”

The African-American celebration will be more at home in the dog days of summer, says Walter’s cousin, Cissy Christmas, who hosts the annual gathering on her 40-acre plot.

“Great-grandmama and them would’ve wanted us to move it out of that cold weather,” she said. “I’ve been telling Walter that for years.”

The Christmas celebration started 82 years ago when Jiminy and Merry Christmas, two poor sharecroppers, threw a modest party that heralded the day they paid off their debt to the landowner. By the mid-1930s, family members had scattered across the country and talked so much about the annual party that neighbors adopted it.

“Before Jesus’ birthday was called ‘Christmas,’ it was simply called ‘Jesus’ Birthday’ and celebrated in a very simple fashion, if at all,” said Princeton religious professor Cornell West. “Back then, people understood that Easter–when Jesus rose from the dead and thereby saved humankind from eternal damnation–was the really important Christian holiday.”

President Truman approved renaming the national holiday in 1948.

Many of the Christmas family’s traditions have been co-opted into the mass holiday. A 1931 play by the Christmas children spoofed the obese landlord, Nicolas Klaus (who the family privately called Satan). He always wore a red suit when he collected his rent, and would bring along his red-nosed, drunken son, Rudolph, in case there was trouble.

Jiminy and Merry’s oldest daughter, Carol Christmas, also wrote a number of songs the family would sing every year—a tradition now called ‘caroling.’ One of her songs, where she imagined her light-skinned cousin passed as a white man, became a hit song, White Christmas.

“It really gives the song new meaning when you realize it’s an anthem of black power and white oppression,” said Danyel Smith, former editor in chief of Vibe.

Walter Christmas said he’s appalled how society has twisted the facts of the family gathering and Jesus’ birth.

“It’s incredible to me that people who celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday get caught up in all this b.s. about giving gifts and Santa and reindeer,” he said. “I mean, I see black people who work hard for their money telling their kids that an obese white man is bringing them all these presents. Priorities are seriously out of place.”

Following the announcement by the Christmas family, Charles Kwanzaa and Ruth Hannukah said their annual family gatherings will merge into Kwanzukah, which will explicitly celebrate Jesus.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. Happy Holidays!

© 2011 The Peoples News

Filed under: African American, Christmas, Humor, Satire Tagged: Christmas, Christmas carols, Christmas parties, Harry S Truman, Jiminy Christmas, Kwanzaa, Merry Christmas, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Santa Claus, White Christmas

By Bill Matthews

Kobe proves once more that he can’t live up to MJ

(LOS ANGELES) Kobe Bryant stood before the podium this morning, at a loss for words. It was an uncharacteristic sight—the Laker guard is always good for a quote. But he never regained his composure, and only spoke afterward in an exclusive interview with The Peoples News.

“I finally admit it,” he said, as he slumped in the trainer’s room. “I will never match Michael Jordan.”

The admission was shocking. Since entering the NBA in 1996, Bryant, through his speech patterns, his laserlike focus on improving, and his intolerance for lazy, less talented teammates, has patterned himself after Jordan. He has always hoped to even surpass Jordan—but his statistics, while incredible when matched up against anyone else, pale in comparison to his idol.

That was never more apparent recently, when Bryant’s wife, Vanessa, announced she was divorcing him. Her reason: Bryant had sex with 105 women during their 10-year marriage.

Kobe haters scoffed.

“Jordan slept with way more than 10 women a year when he was married,” said Connecticut native and 1990s Bulls maniac Ron Berry. “Kobe really ain’t shit.”

“God, I hate Kobe,” said Keith Murphy, a diehard Chicago fan who has “23″ tattooed on his ankle. “Even when it comes to bagging hoes, he can’t match Mike.”

Bryant admitted as much this morning.

“I knew Mike had really put in his time with the ladies on the side. I knew he had them all over Chicago and one in every port on the road, but I couldn’t do it,” Bryant said. “If only Seattle hadn’t moved to Memphis. I know I could’ve bagged more chicks up there. Asian women love me.”

Bryant does take pride in how well he covered his tracks. After being accused of raping a woman in 2003, he gave his wife a ginormous diamond to buy her silence. Oops. I mean that indicated he had learned the error of cheating. Friends say he was faithful to Vanessa for the first few hours after giving her the diamond. But then one of his buddies called.

“Yeah, it was me who called him,” Tiger Woods told TPN. “I wasn’t even married at the time, so you know I was buggin’ the hell out.”

The two men decided to chase Jordan together, but the fabled Bull was still putting up solid numbers as he moved around the country.

“We couldn’t catch him,” Bryant said, his tone wistful. The longer he spoke, the more he seemed to accept that he would never catch Jordan in scoring average, universal recognition as the greatest player ever, or hoes bagged. But he would still try to win as many NBA titles—Kobe has five rings, while Jordan tallied six.

“At least that’s something,” he said. “I guess my career won’t be a total failure if I can get that sixth one.”

In related news, the ghost of Wilt Chamberlain sent TPN a text message: Jordan/Kobe=amateurs.

© 2011 The Peoples News

Filed under: Satire Tagged: Chicago Bulls, divorce, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Michael Jordan, NBA, Relationships, Vanessa Bryant, Wilt Chamberlain

Lil Kim is a far cry from the fly young chick she used to be.  Once the toast of the town and an A-list celeb, at least in our Big-Mama-loving hearts, she now sells mixtapes on PayPal and has been a contestant on “Dancing With The Stars.”  But she’s still hanging on, making music and making appearances, even at New York Fashion Week oddly enough.

For a lady that was the personal obsession of Marc Jacobs for seasons—she, sitting front row at his shows; he, attending her going-to-jail party—some might consider her attendance at The Blonds’ autumn/winter 2012 runway show this past fashion week a step down.  But she still happily sat front row in a blinged-out nude mock neck and white pencil skirt replete with furry shoulders.  Check out her outfit in the show snapshots below.

But like we said she’s making moves, and The Blonds’ show is only one of a handful of recent appearances the Notorious K.I.M has made since the New Year started. The Big Mama is on a mission to boost her celebrity and stage a Nicki take-down at all costs.  Peep these pics of Kim out and about it in 2012.

Ringing in 2012, AKA the Year of KIM, with close friends.

• Nicki Minaj goes Smurfette blue for a profile in Vouge. The “Stupid Hoe” rapper sat down with the Fashion Bible to talk her sartorial proclivities (she wears “costumes, not outfits,”) and her future plans to start “an enormous foundation to nurture girls.” (hopefully not by calling them nappy headed hoes) What do you think of a blue Nicki? [...]

This is the final week of challenges. These challenges will be lighter in volume but still high in the intensity. Today’s challenge (#3) is about turning an indulgence into something more reasonable. Challenge #3 Your assignment is to pick an item (food or drink) that is considered a treat because you tend to go overboard [...]

This challenge will encourage you to consume more protein earlier in the day. If you’re a “Can I have mocha latte and bagel?” girl and the morning crew at Starbucks knows you by name, this will be a challenge for you. If you are the “I’m never hungry in the morning” person, this will be [...]

  Only a few more days left in the Fat-Free for Christmas challenge. We are so close! This next assignment involves you telling me what you eat throughout the day. I need to know what you are putting in your mouth when you’re not doing my challenges. This assignment will be tedious but it will [...]

I have posted all of the assignments for the Fat-Free for Christmas Challenge. It is now up to you to complete them. If you are behind schedule, these are the remaining challenges: Challenge 3: Make your favorite item healthier Challenge 4: Eat 20g of protein by 10am Challenge 5: Log 6 of your meals and [...]

Happy Holidays! I wish you joy, love, and peace in your world and in your heart. I have exciting things planned for 2012, to include: Magic Minute. Every week, I will a feature a recipe, exercise, website, or anything else I think you need to know. I will do it in 60 seconds. Angel vs. [...]

This season, Nike has fashionable workout clothes for the winter. Sometimes that’s all a girl needs to push her out of the door. If you’re in need of cold weather clothing or maybe the lady in your life is, check out what Nike has to offer. You know I hate being cold so I need [...]

The winner of the Fat-Free for Christmas Challenge is: Jen Meason. Her hard work, consistency, and skinny chicken dish recipe were valuable additions to this community. As the winner, Jen, you get two coaching calls and the shirt of your choice. The runner up is Quynn Johnson. Her motivation, team building strategies, and humor was impressive. [...]

I hope you are somewhere making good choices. xo, Angel

  I am parking www.fitandhungry.com due to security issues because of the hackers. This website and its glorious content will still be here but it will now be found at www.angelrstone.com. Please bookmark the new website. www.angelrstone.com

 I think about food all the time. It wasn’t always this way but now that I’m an advanced athlete, food is on the brain 24-7. Every time I run a faster 10k, pass a guy on my bike, or get a compliment on my arms, I think about food. This is what goes on in [...]

The heading of this post makes me sad but it's simply not possible for me to read YA as much as I did last year. Between college applications, playing a fall sport and pre-calc (WHY would they make pre-calc harder than calc? And why did my counselor not tell me to not waste my time in this class? And why can't I do basic math? So many questions ha) I'm lucky if I finish a YA book within the month! Part of the problem is my interest in YA is waning, in my few minutes of spare time I'm (slowly) devouring True Compass by Edward Kennedy and Madame Secretary by Madeline Albright. I currently have six books I need to read AND review and two books I need to review. Books that have already been sent to me will of course be reviewed and I sincerely hope to have all ARC September reviews published soon. So please authors and publishing houses email first before mailing me a book, unless you don't mind if I don't review it right away.

I will continue to sporadically post and please help keep me in the 'know' by sharing links of importance on this post :) Especially happy news because I've been tired/depressed these past few months so I really want to share in other people's happiness!

My Own Worst Frenemy by Kimberly Reid (Chanti on the Case #1) ARC
Dafina KTeen/Kensington Publishing Corp

Release Date: Today!

Rating: 4/5

IQ "But as soon as I see him sitting on the library steps waiting for me, I turn to lava, hot for him but without form. I have no resolve; everything in me turns soft." Chanti pg. 265

I chose the above sentence for the Incredible Quote because I thought it was a good example of the author taking tired old lines to describe feelings and creating new similes. The lava comparison made me pause for a second whereas if it been something like "weak at the knees" or "turned into jello" I wouldn't have given it a second glance.

Fifteen-year old Chanti (short for Chantal) has already managed to gain the disdain of her new principal, Headmistress Smythe and the 'queen bee' Lissa at her new school, Langdon Prep. Langdon is filled with mostly rich students, except for Chanti and the super-cute Marco Ruiz. Chanti and Marco attend Langdon on scholarship and everyone knows it and looks down on them because of that fact. They are also easy targets and as things begin disappearing around the school, it becomes clear that someone is setting up Chanti and Marco. The final straw is pulled when Chanti and Marco are blamed for home burglaries. Chanti's mother is an undercover cop so she can help her daughter clear her name a little but she also can't risk blowing her cover. Marco is willing to help Chanti figure out who the burglar is and possibly even to catch him/her.

Chanti is funny but it's not all silly humor, early on in the book she is talking about how to pronounce her name, "And please pronounce my name right-Shawnty, not Shanty like the towns where poor people live in a Steinbeck book" (pg. 2). At first I thought this line was an obvious trick to show how uniquely smart Chanti was for her neighborhood (where most of the kids didn't give two hoots about school) but she doesn't utter many of those lines and when she does, it doesn't seem obnoxious. In fact, it seems like a plausible line for someone with enough confidence to say. Chanti also reminded me of my younger sister in a good way. My sister utters ridiculous statements all the time and Chanti inadvertently does too such as when she's trying to silently tell other girls to back off Marco, "I'm at the back of the line working up the nerve to give her the evil eye that says 'he's mine, and you'd be wise to back up.' Some women can do that. Lana could. MJ could. But they're both scary and scary won't work for me. I could probably do crazy. Just as I'm about to get my crazy look going, Lissa looks down at the notes she's about to bore us with. Smythe looks up at me then, and I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm crazy.
'Is there anything wrong Chantal?'
'No, um..it's just that I don't have a pen.'" (pg. 24). Chanti describing herself trying to get her crazy look going made me laugh out loud for some reason. Probably because it's something I or one of my friends or my sister would say. I also really appreciated the fact that Chanti didn't over-use random slang nor did she talk completely proper. Like many Black students I know, she knew when to speak properly and when she could relax a bit and that transition is something not all authors grasp but it's an important distinction I think.

The mystery was excellent. I admit I was skeptical since Chanti was fifteen (and I do wish she was older because that might make it a little more realistic) and so she had to work her way around the driving issue and that didn't always work out plausibly. And I didn't like the fact that the book is mostly about Chanti, her mother and Marco. More character development is needed, I especially found it hard to believe that EVERYONE at Langdon refused to befriend Chanti. The mystery element kept me guessing and there were enough twists thrown in to keep me guessing but not enough to completely confuse me. I do wish Chanti's mother hadn't been a police detective because while I don't read many mysteries I feel as though that's a classic cliche (a la Nancy Drew), detective-whose-parents-are-cops-or-lawyers. That being said I really liked the fact that Chanti used authentic cop tips, she didn't go off and do crazy things. Since her mother was a cop, she makes a point of distinguishing between how cops act on TV and how they can act in real life. Sometimes I need a reminder that cops on TV are not 99% authentic! There's a good number of suspects and it's easy to follow along with Chanti as she eliminates them. The romance is light, in fact, there isn't really any romance which I liked because the way the book ended concerning Chanti's relationship with Marco made a lot of sense (bonus: bicultural romance!) for high school underclassmen.

My Own Worst Frenemy is a fine example of books we need more of in books for youth. An intelligent main character who doesn't take herself too seriously who happens to be Black and who uses common sense to solve a mystery that isn't completely random and unrealistic (i.e. a teenager solving a murder). Chanti is a fun protagonist and she could easily have been one of my best friends. I was pleasantly surprised at issues of class that were more in depth than I thought they would be concerning not just the students at Langdon but also the faculty and janitorial staff. There are some definite holes; the conclusion was rushed, more character development is needed, at times the author seemed to be stretching to make characters appear as suspects/remove them from the suspect list and personally I wish Chanti was older but overall it was a strong debut and I certainly intend on reading further about Chanti's escapades (particularly to find out the backstory of Bethanie. I'm dying to know more about her!).

Disclosure: Received from author. Thank you so very much!

I am a book lover, therefore I must be a passionate advocate for literacy for all. My current literary obsession is books about people doing amazing things for other people, basic human kindness. These books have given me tips on things I can do to help others besides donating money and I think one of the ways that I could possibly make a small impact is by highlighting literacy non-profits. I found some that I had never heard of before so maybe you will discover a new one that you want to donate your time/money to, but regardless all of these organizations are dedicated to spreading the love of books and education to all and who wouldn't support that? This will be a monthly post

1st up

Book Wish Foundation!

Image and excerpt from summary taken from bookwish.org/about

Book Wish Foundation is a 501(c)(3) public charity providing high-impact reading aid for people in crisis, with a current focus on refugees from Darfur and AIDS orphans in Ghana. We give some of the world's neediest readers the books they wish for, taking requests for specific titles and subjects. This helps ensure the books will be matched to the needs of the readers, and appropriate for their reading level and culture. We typically do not accept generic book donations from the public because they do not match the requests we receive. We do not hold book drives. The books that are most useful in a refugee camp might not be best-sellers in New York.

The populations we aid have very limited resources and are facing immense challenges for the foreseeable future. For them, books can play an especially large role in education, mental health, and job training. We search for the readers who will get the most out of our books because they have so little to begin with.

Maximizing the impact of books also means maximizing the number of readers, so we will provide reading glasses, vision screenings, support for literacy programs, solar-rechargeable lighting where there is no electricity, or any other aid that can effectively increase the audience for our books

I first discovered Book Wish Foundation when I was perusing the Penguin Fall 2011 releases newsletter. Actually the name of the organization didn't really register but I loved the idea behind the book that BookWish was working with Penguin and Better World Books. That book is What You Wish For: A Book for Darfur by various authors including Sofia Quintero, Nikki Giovanni, Francisco Stork, John Green, Ann Martin and Alexander McCall Smith.

Proceeds from the book go to building libraries in refugee camps for those from Darfur set in Chad. I pre-ordered the book from Better World Books so that 100% of the proceeds would go to the UN Refugee Agency. The book is now out but that doesn't many sales from the book won't go towards the building of libraries for Darfur refugees. I'm not sure how much of the proceeds though. It is advertised as YA but the stories seem to be a bit young. I'm not finished yet so they may get more mature, regardless they are lovely stories, not too dark but not pure sugar-coated happiness either.

Finally be sure you check out Book Wish Foundation's list of action tips you can do in 1 minute (and no donating is not the only tip on the list)!